Mommy Mad Libs: Christine

Mommy Mad Libs

I always thought that having a baby would be HEAVEN ON EARTH___, from what I had seen from my friend’s profiles, I figured it was a lot of__LOVIN AND BLISS__. I was totally__IN OVER MY HEAD_____. First of all my _asshole______ felt like it had been ripped open_____and I couldn’t tell if I would ever_have a solid poop__ again.  After labor I really wanted a CRISPY RICE SPICY TUNA ROLL____an it felt so good to finally _EAT TUNA WITH WILD ABANDON____.  

I took a lot of _PICTURES____ and put them on _INSTAGRAM____. I got a lot of _LOVE____from people, and they said that _LEVI___looked _LIKE ME AND G___.  My body was _BLOWN OUT_____!  I loved how I had_BELLY FAT___ now! It took a while but I finally  BRUSHED___my __TEETH___.

I looked at my husband with new  ADORATION______and felt more LOVE ____toward him than ever before.  He was so _HELPFUL____, it  was amazing.  (2 months later, i hated him for ANYTHING. helpful or not).

If I could tell a __YOUNG__lady anything, it would be to __wait till you’re at least 32__and don’t believe the  SEEMINGLY PERPETUAL BLISS__you __SEE_on SOCIAL MEDIA____! (it’s all amazing and worth it, but the hardest job you’ll ever have ever ever ever !)

Mommy Mad Libs: Ali

Mommy Mad Libs

I always thought that having a baby would be_amazing___, from what I had seen from my friend’s profiles, I figured it was a lot of playing hipster dress-up____. I was totally____wrong___. First of all my existence______ felt like it had a purpose_____and I couldn’t tell if I would ever go to Ross___ again.  After labor I really wanted a chocolate cake___an it felt so good to finally __binge on sugar___.  

I took a lot of magnesium pills _____ and put them on my bedside table _____. I got a lot of _shit____from people, and they said that _my tits___looked huge ____.  My body was _hilarious_____!  I loved how I had no control over my bowels____ now! It took a while but I finally gained___my  control back_____.

I looked at my husband with new _perspective_____and felt more _bitchy___toward him than ever before.  He was so  well rested____, it  was amazing.  

If I could tell a pregnant____lady anything, it would be to breathe___and don’t believe the negativity___you read___on __anything__!